Sunday, July 27, 2008
Time seems to fly past these few weeks. Perhaps too much things happening. My Europe trip in May, and now I'm preparing for my US stay in 2 weeks time. Have less than 2 weeks to pack now, the first thing I'm going to do tomorrow is to clean up my room. It has been a mess for a few months liao..Hope to make my room clean and tidy bfore I fly... Although finally I dun have to work anymore, dunno y, it has been replaced with a indescribable empty feeling. I'm scared of the unknown for the next two yrs. I know chances are I'm going to enjoy my stay in the States, but for now, at this moment, I feel lost and homesick. Haiz...I can't back out now. It was a decision I had made, and I'm going to follow it thru w Cha... Afterall, my hubby is going to be with me...
Went for another consultation yesterday. Since I couldn't feel the lumps anymore, I half expected the doc to say congrats, the lumps are shrinking. Instead she said, it has been lumpier than she had last examined...Now great, fancy hearing this 2 weeks before I have to leave...I've been following the doc's instructions, have been avoiding chicken meat and soy bean, and yet there seems to be more lumps now...Doc says could be due to stress, I tink is probably pre-US distress or wat la, dunno how to describe my feelings these few weeks. But will follow this up with the docs in States, hopefully it could turn out better. I have a hunch that I'd be very stressed out all the way up till I can settle down in my new home in a strange new country and this is not any help to my current condition at all. But what can I do? Just have to control my diet and keep my mood happy and stress-free, although it would be diff during this period of time. Dun even dare to tell my mum later she more worried as it is now...haiz... Im quite scared, and this, adds on to my worries...
Just had zhi char with my family at the Japanese Garden, missed the food there. Also went to Msia to visit my ah-ku with Cha yesterday.. Feels great to have dinner with them again, we had a very sumptuous seafood spread in Kulai. Too bad one of my close cousin is not there... Could tell Chaa enjoyed the crabs and prawns a lot... Will be back to dine there again in 2 yrs time de...
9:44 PM
Friday, July 25, 2008
Today's my last day of work..haiz..feeling emo again..Even though I have complained non-stop abt my work, but when the time comes for me to leave, I still feel a bit she bu de. This is my first job and time really flies, two yrs whizzed past lidat...later will be going round to bid my farewell, then will do my final packing liaozz. Will miss my colleagues, small boss and my cubicles as well...
Bye MOT~
9:02 AM
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Just got my visa approved liao, Cha will be collecting them tommorow. Still have to queue for more than half hr to get interviewed lor...dunno y so many ppl in Spore so gian want to go US, quite a fair bit are ANs... Anyway, due to some stupid problem in my visa application, we have to leave Singapore earlier by one week. Have confirmed the flight to be on 8 Aug 08. Going to take SQ to LA then change to UA to reach Washington. 20 hrs flight. Sibei sian... Lucky it's SQ for 16 hrs..more comfortable...Even after we touch down also cannot rest as the place we are going to stay in will be unfurnished, so will have to go shopping for furniture and essential stuff when we reach Maryland in the morning de...
Anyway, because of this change in date, I will be super bz these few weeks lo.. Now compiling a list of things to buy and bring over liao... Rice cooker is definitely top of the list. How abt iron, cooker and bed? Skin care products leh? Will all these be cheaper to bring over or buy over there huh? A lot of question marks in my head now. Also need to make sure my luggage is not overweight de... Can't bear with my soft toys leh, the Porky Family, so intending to bring one or 2 over to accompany me. My blanket also. Contemplating to bring my bolster also. Wah.. so many things!! Warm clothings leh? Will I need more long johns? Too many considerations liao. Also need to spring clean my room, 2 years never clean liao. After my last day at work will leave only 2 weeks to do all these, helppppp!
Starting to miss my home even before I leave. Think I may cry during see-off leh... Whenever I tot of being away from home for so long, my eyes start to be wet wet liao... Lucky my flight is on weekday afternoon, Pinkies will be working, I dun think I can bear to see so many people seeing me off. Will feel so desolete and lonely after I board the plane, so lucky Cha will be with me and I wun be alone...
It was a drastic change of feelings. I was really estactic when Cha informed me when he first got the scholarship. My dream is coming true! Finally... after so many months of preparation for the application. At that time, Aug still seems so far away and the reality of being away from home for 2 years did not really sink in. But as the leaving date is approaching, I'm starting to imagine how life will be when we are over there. Cold and lonely. No one to turn to. Will miss the confort of my home and bed badly. I'm barely left with three weeks at home now. Nowadays when I am sleeping at night, I will try to enjoy the pure bliss of being in my warm and comfortable bed, with my Porky, Smiley, Pinky, pillows and etc by my side. And the fact that my mum also starts to care for me more these past few months makes it more difficult for me to even think of leaving home..
All in all, I'm glad Cha will be with me and I'm still looking forward to a new life with him, our own home, and being able to study again. But I think the first few weeks over there are going to be extremely difficult for me, esp I can't even celebrate my bday in the solace of my home...
4:47 PM
Friday, July 04, 2008
A second update for those who are worried abt my health. I'm tentatively fine. It turns out that I have 3 solid lumps in my left breast. I was referred to a breast specialist in Gleneagles. Really scared at that time. I've never had anything this serious to the extent of seeing a specialist. On my way there, my mind flashed thru a lot of scenarios, What if it's something bad? Will I be healthy for the rest of my life? Can I still go US? Do I need to go for ops? I'm so afraid of pain one leh...
After looking at the ultrasound pics, the doc concluded that all three shd be benign for now. However one is quite big, the size of 20 cents coin, the other one has a slightly abnormal shape with a thin wall inside the lump. This means that the chance of it being malignant is higher and thus needs to be followed-up closely. So I have to do a check up again when I'm in US in 3 months time, to see if the shape continues to grow abnormally and whether the rest grow bigger. Will have to remove it if any gets too big. However, doc advises me to control my diet and lifestyle first...Haiz, a bomb will have to be spent if I really hav to consult a specialist in the States. Even an ultrasound scan there costs 500 bucks...sian diao...my family also quite worried la, keep urging me to go for ops now... but where got the time?? I need time to recover before I fly off one ma...However the doc got say that I don't have high risk factors, so dun need to worry so much...
But hor, after yesterday's episode, how can I not worry la. Shd anything happen when I'm in the States, will consider coming back to seek treatment, as it'll be much cheaper de, haiz..these are just random tots going thru right now. Maybe I'll be just fine and I worry too much liao...
Although I can take a breather now, but a lot of unknown in the next few years. So glad that Cha will be with me thru all these and it really helps to relieve my fear when he takes time off from his work just to accompany me to all these consultation visits...
10:19 AM
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Okay, here's some updates due to popular demand..haaa...Nothing much happened. Pretty bz with my uni admission. Have decided on a commercial uni just next to Cha's uni. Have ding-dong with the international student office for nearly two weeks bfore they finally decided to send me the I-20 form which is necessary to apply for a student visa. The course I've decided on is totally irrelevant to what I've studied in NUS or my work now. But then again that uni only offers 4 postgrad degrees, MBA, Financial Mgmt , Healthcare, and the other one I forgot is what liao. MBA requires 3 yrs and healthcare is definitely not my interest lar. Will have to work for govt again de... So I took up Financial Mgmt, hoping I can branch out from what I'm doing now when I return. Now waiting for the relevant doc to come in before I can take the next step.
Have been looking forward to a different life overseas with Cha, have been preparing and envisioning this for almost two years liao. Can go travel states together, live together, study together and have a taste of marital life before we get our own house when we come back. Also a lot of things to do when we are back in Spore in 2 yrs time. Need to prepare for customary wedding, family planning and find a new job which hopefully is better than my current one. Although my career will come to a standstill these 2 yrs, but I guess to exchange it for 2 yrs overseas for my studies has always been my dream, so it's worth it. Cha has made all these possible for me, and because of my dream, he is "forced" to study another 2 yrs, even though he's very tired of studying all his life liao...haha, Chaa, thanks le wor~ =)
However, now very anxious and scared. Had done a body check-up on Mon, and they found a lump in my breast. Had went for ultra-sound scanning for follow-up checking. If the results is negative, all my dreams will fall thru one...I don't want anything to happen to me when my life is seemingly perfect now. Haiz...May be just unnecessary worries... But will review the medical results with the doctor during lunch time later. All truths will reveal then. Till then, will just have to pray very hard...
ps. btw, I very lazy to upload the photos of my trip onto my blog, very slow and too many pics liao. Can go Danny's facebook to see the albums, but not completely uploaded yet..
10:50 AM
