Thursday, August 07, 2008
Ok, the day is finally here. Tomorrow will be the day I'll be away from home for 2 years. Mixed feelings and confusion. A bit emotionally numbed now. Now bz with packing my luggage and double check that I did not miss anything out. Yesterday my mum cooked a feast to celebrate my bday in advance. She even bought chilli crabs and my fav deer meat. My last time eating them before I'm leaving. Even had a cake for me to blow out the candles. Feel wierd to celeb my bday so early. Guess I'll really miss home and Spore. My family & frens, my bed, my room and the food here. As much as I want to enjoy the feeling of being at home rite now, I can't as I still need to pack some more stuff...Now worrying one more thing. I think my bags are overweight.
Scared that things will change during these 2 years. Even Cha dun seems as attentive as before, often brushed me away with I have a lot of things to do, I'm bz.. Yah..and who's not bz.. This is the time I need most support bfore I leave, too much things I'm hanging onto, and yet he cannot give me the reassurance which might make me feel better. Always say he's tired and dozed off before I could air my concerns to him. Think this will most prob be the case when we are over there. Now I'm more strongly convinced that I will feel lonely and miserable over there, when he will say the same thing like oh im bz with my homework, no time to be with you etc.. Think I will just go mad over there. But I can always turn back to Spore if I'm unhappy over there. I really will. My mum told me to return home if I'm not used to the life over there.
It's sad that the day before I'm leaving home for 2 years to start a new life, that my confidence start to waver...
I miss home~...
2:27 PM